George Collins: Prince of Jiggers

A running total of 418 data points, and over 800 hands and feet inspected, I have begun having nightmares about feet. Feet, feet, feet and more feet. Although we finish our research early afternoon, the data entry is usually left until after lunch, cribbage and other distractions, so we finish it just before sleepy time. Entering data is tedious, monotonous, robotic and automatic. If we’re lucky, some drying paint outside catches our interest before we continue with the task in hand. Tom’s fastest time is 19.24 seconds for one questionnaire, although I believe the speed that the data is read out deserves the most credit.

We finished our data collection at Mbipgo (the village full of horrible, cold hearted (headed) bullies), and moved to our next village, “Fuh”, to notify them of our arrival and meet the Fon, and elders (notables). Every time we visit the Fon, Collins forks out for 10 litres of palm wine. The volume seems a little exaggerated, and although it only costs £1, I not only dislike the drink, others seem to drink volumes of the white, translucent liquid, without ever receiving thanks. In fact, thanks for my generosity are rare. I guess this is the culture, but to my moderately selfish self, it’s a little culture shocking.

As we left the Fon’s palace, the rain poured and we were met by an almighty bang, which we soon realised was a lightening strike, a little too close for comfort. Tom and I absolutely jumped out of our skin, leapt across the compound as if it had hit us! As I stood there, counting the seconds between the light and thunder, it must have hit nearby, within 100m radius. Furthermore, the Fon later told us that this was a “test”, and that we passed!? I’d be interested to know how one fails this test based on our performance!

The next day we started unbearably early, and cramming 4 people in the back seat on appalling roads, hitting my scar on the roof every 5 seconds, I could have gone without. We had to be finished by 12 because this was the day of our knighthood! Tom and I were to be made Princes of the village! The ceremony began with a formal introduction of the schedule (much like at the party I talked about earlier, the one with the cool music), followed by Genesis introducing me, me introducing the team and the project, the MC introducing the Fon and the Fon introducing a notable, and the notable introducing the notables. After this bombshell of introductions, we were led out to the “Heart of the Palace”, where the past Fons were buried, and we were told about the history of the village “Fuh”, of which we were about to become notables. We were both given traditional gowns; my glasses were elegantly scraped to the tip of my nose as the tight collar came over my face. Unfortunately, all on video.

Next, Tom and I were given our traditional caps, mine resembling a monochromatic porcupine, which I believe makes me superior to Tom’s “Spike-free” cap. A notable stood up and handed me a certificate, which stated that I was now a first class citizen of the Wikah people, and my new name was “Shey M’Bwang”, meaning Prince of Jiggers. I could barely contain myself. Tom was called “Shey M’Kuuh”, meaning Prince of Feet, or “Foot Prince”.

Anyway, our research in Fuh continued, and after a days work the next day Tom and I had a day of. It was market day, and I knew exactly what I wanted. An oversized Tom Cruise hologram belt buckle. What do you know? They had it! Splendid. Unfortunately, it makes sitting rather uncomfortable, but the pain is worth it.

The market never ceases to amaze me, in particular the brand names that are applied to fake apparel. One of the classics is a fluorescent training jacket, with “Adidas” written on in permanent market. “That’s legit”, says the trader. Another time, an appalling beige jacket, had the washing information label sewed onto the lapel. Ironically, it said “wash inside-out”! Tom and I both bought ridiculous hats from the market, mine a ghastly fluorescent yellow “nike” hat, and Tom bought a pink and green balaclava. It has a hole just big enough to fit Tom’s ratty little munchkin features.

On an aside, our cook, Pascalene, is a fantastic cook. But a few days ago I thought I’d suggest different foods she might try for us. I said the following:

a) The sardine meatballs she made were unpleasant
b) Would she be able to make us a traditional Cameroonian pudding (as in dessert, which I explained to her). She seemingly understood.)

What was served up for dinner the next day? A savoury sardine pudding. Tasty.

Eat that Collins. Once again, that’ll learn you.

Another rather amusing occurrence. As Tom and I nervously awaited our knighting, our colleague Claris, feeling a little famished, started eating the wall! A little taken aback, but willing to try, Tom and I didn’t want to feel left out. Unfortunately, we were disappointed, and it did, literally, taste like you’d expect. Dry, and like mud. Yum.

Our research in Fuh had finished, and we moved onto Mbah, which was a small village to which we’d dedicated only one day of data collection. Saying that, we’d thought it’d be quite a long day. Anyway, as per usual, we met the fon with his compulsory gift of ubiquitous palm wine, and chilled out in his palace for a good hour or so. This palm wine was a few days old, meaning it had fermented a little more than we were used to. So, after an hour, out came the red wine, a gift from the fon to us. We couldn’t refuse (no really, we couldn’t) and after a glass of two we felt really excited about feet inspection...Fortunately, we were still fit to gather reliable data, but we had a good nap in the afternoon!

I thought I was seeing things when I saw that someone had six toes, but no! See the photos...

A couple of local songs that are really getting us going:

Magic System - Tabedo
Baltimal - Tarzan Boy

(spellings unknown)

Sorry about the lack of photos, but here is a link to the public facebook album!

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=25075&l=a6ef8&id=511649878